Every Sunday (hopefully) I shall be posting a personal post about my massive new venture. I am going to University to train to be a primary school teacher. I will be trained to work with 5-11 year olds. It’s known to be a very, very stressful time so I’m hoping I can channel my thoughts and feelings into a blog post. It gives you an insight into what’s going on in my life and hopefully it’ll be incredibly therapeutic for me. I will NOT be naming any children, schools or teaching staff. I won’t even mention what University I’m at. I hope that’s understandable. If personal posts aren’t your thing then feel free to skip these posts. I won’t mind!
You know that rollercoaster that I’ve been talking about… how I’m always up and down with my emotions? Well this week I hit that downward spiral. Hurtling at full speed. You may think the problem is my new school which I started this week, but no, it wasn’t. The school is lovely, my teacher tutor is lovely and the children seem like they’re going to be a lovely class to be with. I had some really fantastic moments during the week- so it’s definitely nothing wrong with the school.
The problem is, I’ve had a massive confidence crisis. I keep feeling like I can’t do the job and it doesn’t help that I’ve had some of my job applications rejected this week. No. That doesn’t help the confidence.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m not teaching yet, and perhaps after a bit of teaching I’ll find my mojo again. But right now, I’m starting to wonder what on earth I’m doing, yet I know deep down that I want to do this job. A lot of people have said that it’s normal to have a wobble, and I know some friends of mine are experiencing the same thing. I’m just hoping for a better week next week. Teaching is my passion, I know that. I just need to keep hold of it and keep my head up high!
So, if you happen to be reading this if you’re undertaking a PGCE and you feel similar…don’t panic. Please don’t be put off if you’re due to start one too. I know this experience is teaching me a lot more. I’m growing as a person and I’m becoming stronger even if I don’t feel strong right now.